Monday, February 24, 2014

Nervous Nesting: How to Fail at Life While Attempting Snow-Bound Anxiety-Induced Nesting Activities

(2/18/14)
This morning, I was supposed to drive to Indiana to see my mother in her rehab/nursing home (she just had her hip replaced on Tuesday and I have no cuticles left after the ups and downs of this week), however God smote Chicago again with another 6-7" of snow. Therefore, I've stayed in today and attempted to clean the apartment (fail), file desk shit (success!), finish one fucking DIY/craft project (75% success), make red lentil soup (success!), straighten the craft space (success!), and do the litter boxes (fail).


This is what I made. Well, 75% made. I need three more rows, but still...Are you jealous? Because you should be.







There's a few things I want to say before I go off and show you how to make one of these on your own. First, I received a gift from my boyfriend's aunt for Christmas. It was a baker's kit from the Spice House. If you know anything about me, it's that I looooooooove to cook. I grew up loving to bake, and now I'm getting better at "winging it" and not following directions out of a book or doing exact measurements either. Nonetheless, I still love to bake. So I got this: The Baker's Spices 4-Jar Gift Set. Tossed in with the set were some dried bay leaves, whole cinnamon sticks, whole nutmeg, and dried ginger. I only figured out what the nutmeg was by smelling it and confirming online, and since I was low on nutmeg, I used my microplane to shave them down. This was on the inside. 






"HOW PRETTY AM I?"



Seriously, just LOOK at the inside of that!







"NO, SERIOUSLY. I AM SOOOO PRETTY. LOOOOOOOOOK AT ME."




It was so pretty and smelled so fresh and not stale, so I've decided I need to use fresher spices and blends for a number of reasons. (1) Because spices are how I am determined to give my food flavor without butter and salt and sugar. (Or with less of it.) And ultimately how I'm going to have the hottest bod EVER by the end of August (when I do the triathlon). (2) Because I'm always looking to learn about cooking while saving money. (3) Because I refuse to spend a stupid amount of money on going out to eat all the time when I can make better shit at home for cheaper. But then again, I go out to eat to avoid dishes and cleaning. Not for the food 90% of the time.
So I started my homemade spice rack a long time ago when I saw this fancy one online for $98.47. It could cost more, if you're a complete moron....don't believe me? OH MY GOD THIS IS HIGHWAY ROBBERY




If you're buying this for $100, I have some land in Florida I'd like to sell you.


And I thought, "FUCK. THAT IS PRICEY. I have a drill. I have a brain. I can make that FOR SURE for cheaper." So I did.
But first, before you go bonkers doing everything I write below, here's a few things I didn't know and some things you should know.
1. There are really only about 10 spices that American culture uses. If you're Irish/English/German/Norweigan like me, we consider "salt and pepper" to be the only real spices we use in 98% of our cooking. Reach a little bit outside your "American roots" and see what other spices there are.
2. Once you do, you will realize that there are some really rare spices out there. Aside from those, there are about 10 more spices that the other cultures use. 

I suggest the following list to get you started if you have no spices:

Boring "American" Shit:
  • sea salt
  • black pepper (whole if you have a grinder)If you're Irish, like my family, you stop there.
  • red chili pepper flakes
  • cinnamon (powdered and sticks)
  • paprika
  • cayenne pepper (which is dried red pepper, ground up)
    The EYE-talian spices come next....
  • oregano
  • basil*
  • parsley*
  • sage*
  • rosemary*
  • thyme 
    (and if you just read those last four in a row, you now have
    this song stuck in your head. YOU'RE WELCOME.)
  • dill*
  • Soup spices follow:
  • bay leaves
  • tarragon
  • marjoram
  • white pepper
  • celery seed
"Ethnic" Spices (Ethnic If You Live Under a Rock or Say Ridiculous things like "Oriental People" and "EYE-talian")
  • cumin (seed and/or powder)
  • coriander (this is the seed of cilantro)
  • turmeric
  • mustard
  • saffron$$$$
  • ....I am tired and can't think of anymore, but I'm sure I will.....

$$$$ Saffron is expensive. Like, LEGIT FIRST BORN-CHILD EXPENSIVE. For 1 gram, it's $15. ONE GRAM. There are 28 grams in an ounce. And 16 ounces in a pound. But if you ever did cocaine in the 80s, I'm sure this isn't news to you. To boring people like me, this was.



* I prefer cooking with this fresh, but dried is a decent back-up but FAR less potent. Ones that you should ONLY use fresh, in my opinion, are cilantro, rosemary, and parsley. Cilantro and parsley are stupid cheap, so don't be a lazy ass. Use fresh.

I won't go into extracts, bc we'd be here all day and I'm already boring myself.






A lot of things are just ground up versions of the seeds, so get yo'self a coffee grinder and grind up some of that shit and save yourself a gazillion dollars. Cumin seed in the grinder for a bit = cumin powder. Duh. And I got about 3 lbs of cumin seed at my local Indian grocery store for around $4. Previously, I bought a quarter of an ounce for $4. Because those goddamn red-top McCormick spice bottles always seemed so damn fancy to me as a broke kid raised in Indiana.

BUT now I have a ton of cumin seed AND cumin powder for the next two years. Why 2 years? Because spices go bad after about that long, so I may not need to buy cumin for a while, but I will NEVER spend $4 on a quarter ounce of ground cumin again.

3. Sometimes you think something is a spice and it's really just a spice blend. At first, I felt like I'd been lied to all my life, but then I realized I could just make these on my own and really "stick it to the man" that way. I mean, Pumpkin Pie Spice is obviously a blend, and if you didn't know that, then this blog can only take you so far in life, my friend. If you did know that, read on geniuses!

Here are some sneaky ones you need to STOP BUYING IN BLENDED FORM and just make your own without all that anti-caking chemical bullshit in there, mmmmmkay? Mmmmmkay. 





Most of them are here, and she gives lots of instructions and uses an herbal source I also use (Mountain Herbs), so I trust her. 





...and make blends and stop buying blends for stupid prices with gross fillers.




SO if you want to includes some herb blends, then you might want to buy more containers than I did, but you probably won't need too many sheets/tins/etc. 
This project is cheap and simple, and, sure you could buy fancy shit, but I'm not a fancy girl, and I'm getting along well with what I got so far. I will say, don't get rid of your cinnamon shaker. Leave some in there if you use it a lot. Same for other fine spices that don't "sprinkle well" if you use your fingers. Just trust me. 


ON TO THE DIY STUFF!

Things you'll need:
  • A sheet of metal at a hardware store for abt $4. Mine is around 18" by 24." It's NOT brushed metal. It's not fancy. It might already have some rust on it. I DON'T CARE. IF you do, then buy something to coat the damn thing. Figure that shiz out elsewhere. I went low on the stress on this one.
  • Double-sided flat rubber magnets (I got mine at American Science & Surplus for abt $3.50 for a pack of 10 here). PLUS, the openings look like Kermit-T-Frog eyes!
  • 20-30 2.5-oz plastic-lidded tin containers online ($.72 each from www.specialtybottle.com). You can also use glass jars with metal lids, but I don't know how strong your magnets need to be then.
  • Get some stickers or labels. I used tiny round stickers on the back and wrote the name and expiration date.
  • An electric drill that can drill through metal.
  • 4 Nails or screws (and a hammer or screwdriver)
  • A marker or Sharpie.

  1. Using the Sharpie, mark the four corners about an inch in from the corner with a small dot.
  2. Drill a hole through the dot.
  3. Hammer a nail or screw in a screw through the holes into the wall. Make sure it's even. (Use a level or a friend who doesn't have polio.)
  4. Empty all your spices into the clear-lidded containers, and place labels with their names and expiration dates on the back. (I used labels that were small so I could go over them or easily remove them when they need to be replaced).
  5. Make sure the lids fit tightly.
  6. Arrange magnets in rows on the metal board.
  7. Sick tins to magnets.












TA-FUCKING-DA!
YOU'RE DONE!




Sunday, February 9, 2014

Sunday Funday leads to Sunday Insomnia

I had one goal this weekend: make gifts for my friends for Christmas.

"But it's February, Kerry," you say. 

I know. I'm a terribly, terribly bad friend who is always about 3 months behind every trend and holiday. I mean, I took my Christmas tree down the last weekend of January simply because my boyfriend made me. The year before, it was up til March. MARCH. 

Friday night I left the office "early" at 6:30, picked up the manfriend, bought some booze, and talked him into dinner at a decent restaurant with decent but underwhelming food--about 80% of Chicago's restaurants fall into this category. 

Saturday, I went to the gym, ran errands in the blasted snow, made homemade artery-clogging potato soup that looked like gravy (see below), and hung out half a block away with a friend who is going through a breakup. 

I promise that is not gravy smothered
in bacon, cheese, green onions, and sour cream.
Kinda.

Sunday, I got up, met a friend from Indy at a bar, decided to pound 4 beermosas and 1 shot of Malort, because "responsibility".... and suddenly, I realized I'd still not accomplished my ONE GOAL FOR THE FUCKING WEEKEND.

Bad Decisions Abound on Sunday Funday
(Example: Shots of Malort)

After a quick trip to Sur La Table (my new favorite obsession/addition) for a candy thermometer, some heart-shaped ice cube trays, a Pyrex liquid measuring cup, and some herbal sacks (ALL VERY NECESSARY) that Nick got me for my Valentine's gift, Nick and I went to Rotofugi so he could pick up some goodies using his Valentine's gift from me (a gift card bc I obviously can't pick out what he likes).

We came home, and then the next 7 hours kinda dissipated into him making me dinner and me doing something that I can't remember. 


I mean, 7 hours. SEVEN? Seven.

How the fuck does one not really know what they did for 7 hours?

I think there was a 5-minute call to my sister in there... and texting my friend about how she needs Treat Yo Self Sundays post-breakup.





But I think this is how my Alzheimer's is going to start. 

Also, there were brownies that took forever, but LOOKY: 

COMMENCE DROOLING.

They are black bean brownies that are so good I want to un-brush my teeth and eat them all, but I will resist. They are more cakey than I like, but whatever. I've pretty much already secured my non-winning status on this 10-week DietBet. I read that  woman who won the last round allowed herself to eat a cookie but that she wasn't going to have another until the end of the 2nd round. And I thought, AAAAAAAAAAA COOKIE? AS IN ONE? IS IT LIKE THIS?




Anyway, it's going on midnight, and I'm not sure if it was the Starbucks, the coffee in the brownies, or the fact that my mother is undergoing major surgery in two days, but I just made 20 bottles of homemade vanilla extract, made those brownies, and scrubbed all the things in the kitchen, and I'm not even sleepy. 



(This is from one of my two favorite blogs, Hyperbole and a Half--get some in yo life NOW. Read the ones about the dogs and the God of Cake. Please empty your bladder first as you may piss yourself with glee.)


I have to be up early to work early, leave early, and then drive my momma to her surgery at 4AM (AKA, A TIME WHEN NO ONE SHOULD BE SOBER, ALIVE, AND MOVING-- LET ALONE DRIVING).

So keep Momma Flo in your thoughts on Tuesday. She's getting a new hip. Icky but necessary. Because apparently the crux of where your upper and lower torso meet is kinda a necessary part of your body when you want to move and walk and shiz.

Now I'm going to lie down only to imagine how my mother could survive without a hip socket, because that's what my brain does...it goes to weird dark places when I can't sleep. 


Rambling stopping. BYEEEEE.


PS Yes, I realize, I STILL did not complete my one goal for the weekend. UGH. I'm AWFUL.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

New 2014 Running Shoes!!!


About a month ago, I picked up the new Mizuno Waverunner 17s. They are a little lighter, maybe a little stiffer to roll when I pronate, but I’m assuming this is because I’m breaking them in. And because I got some new blue Super Feet with them too. The heel cup feels a bit wider. The tongue is bigger and softer, and they feel more even universally breathable—the other ones had some warmer spots and really airy toes but these feel more generally, er, consistent? I also noticed two places that they were rubbing that my last pair did not. I have some rubbing on the upper inside of my left big toe and I also noticed my top right toes were rubbing. When I took them off after 3 miles, I had a little blister on top of my 4th toe. I’m guessing most of these things are specific to breaking in a new pair and my feet, but I thought I’d share!

#running #running2014 #newrunningshoes

Thursday, February 6, 2014

When You Find Out Your Favorite New Colleague Was Let Go Suddenly....



If you don't know where this comes from, (A) You have never lived. (B) Get out from under your rock, and go rent every teenager's fantasy "Pretty Woman."

Ok, we don't want to be prostitutes, BUT I think we do want some Prince Charming (okay, so he picks up prostitutes, so he's not really perfect, and he either may or may NOT have put a gerbil in his butt, but whatever) to swoop us off our feet and make us over.

Anyway, here's the breakdown. Julia Roberts is a prostitute given some skrill to go shopping and this saleslady bitch is real snotty:



And then she gets all made over and done up and looks hot. And this is her going back to see that hag.







And so my new favorite coworker was just "let go" and so I kinda want to say this to our boss person. UGH.


The Hips of Death


If you're a woman (yes, this is gender specific), most likely you have weak hips (including the gluteus medius muscle). Why? I have no idea. Maybe the birthin' hips make us less able to strengthen the glute med (pronounced 'gloot mead')?

Where's that? That's what I call your "side butt." If you need a visual, here you go:




You want the left side (A). You don't want the right side (B).

Of course, I look like the right side. Wamp wamp.

When working that muscle out, I usually feel it a little further down my leg.

If you feel any of these exercises in the front of your hip, try rotating your body toward the table or adjusting your legs so you have more butt and less hip work.

Nonetheless, if you're having knee pain after or during running, go see a doctor. If you've already been diagnosed with Iliotibial band syndrome (like me), here's the Hips of Death. I'll post pictures some day, but I'm lazy (from running 4 miles) and the pics are in the other room, so here's the breakdown.

1. Leg Lifts
Lying on your side (like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7y_TnADXS4), dip your top leg's toe behind the heel of the bottom foot (on the table). Keep your body in one line (except for the top leg which is slightly behind your bottom leg). I feel it more if I roll slightly toward the table. Lift and lower 30 times. Feel it in your gluteus medius.

2. Books
Then, move your bottom leg so it's perpendicular to your hip, and lift the top leg like you're opening a book (or peeing on a fire hydrant while lying down). Do 30.

3. Flying Clams
Then do "flying clams" like this but your ankles are in the air.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJLFyIi5eqc

4. Wave 1
Then do the "wave" where you take your top leg up to "book" position, but you break that into a few steps. You'll have to keep thinking "Ankle up, Knee up, Ankle down, Knee down" until you hate yourself for having to recite that else you easily fuck up such a simple task. Nonetheless, do 30.

5. Wave 2
Then reverse your "wave" (Knee up, Ankle up, Knee down, Ankle down). Do 30.

Right about now, you're wondering why you're in so much pain. You may be whimpering. But don't worry. We're almost done....with this side.

6. Extended Leg Lift
Then extend your top leg straight out from the hip (comfortably). Keep the leg on the table in a 90-degree angle. Lift your entire leg up about 6-10" and down 30 times.

7. Extended Leg Circles
Then, keeping the leg extended, circle your leg 8 times one direction in small circles (about 5-6" diameter), and 7 times in the opposite direction. Repeat twice.

FLIP OVER AND CRY AS YOU REALIZE YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THIS ON THE OTHER SIDE.

Perhaps I'll write about Those Fucking Cone Dips are some day, but for now, I'll leave you with the one exercise that kicks my ass...literally, the gluteus medius is one of the three main muscles that make up your butt.

Enjoy!

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Working Out Sucks. Training Doesn't.

Today, for the first time since September, I ran "pretty far." "Pretty far" to me is more than a 5K. Today I did 4 miles. Which would be a triumph all in its own, but add to that that I had NO pain in my knee. Which is pretty rad and means that my PT is working and I should keep doing what I've been doing. Including those fucking Hips of Death that are yet another layer of hell-on-earth I've discovered.

Seriously. That's the name of them. I will post about those later. And Those Fucking Cones. And That Fucking Bridge Thingie Move. And The Fucking Football Player Side Steps. (These are MY names for the moves, but there's obviously more professional ones my physical therapist posts.)

All this is to say, I'm working out and hating it. And loving it. Well, not really. I'm starting to train for a shit-ton of races this year, but I'm not at the "I worked it today at the gym and I'm super stoked!!!"

Nope. Not even close. I'm still in the "Fuck, I feel like I'm dying and maybe people are starting to stare because I'm so red and sweaty, but how the fuck did I do this last year? Am I dead? Did I actually die and I just don't know it?" And then I get a good song on, and I'm all, "You're a fighter! You can do this! 6.3 mph! Wooho......fuck. Slow down. You are NOT superwoman. FUCK FUCK FUCK. YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO SURVIVE THROUGH THE SUMMER."

I don't know where I got the fighter mentality last year, but I need it to come back from vacation.

I'm pretty sure it's down in Mexico drinking a margarita while I'm up here suffering through hours on the treadmill, aka, THE WORST.

I would rather drink my own urine at this point than try and do long runs on a treadmill. And I clearly have a few more months of indoor running to suffer through before I get to run outside. Though, once there's no snow, I AM RUNNING OUTSIDE.

Because running on a treadmill is like there's a marionette puppet person holding you hostage to a certain speed and you have to make all these beepy noises while flailing aboot because you can't get the fecking thing to slow down fast enough AND DEAR GOD I ALMOST JUST DIED BECAUSE THE EDGE OF MY FOOT CAUGHT THE PART OF THE TREADMILL THAT DOESN'T MOVE.

When, if you're outside, you just STOP RUNNING THAT FAST.

I injured myself during my half-marathon last year at mile 11 but I refused to give up because (1) At the time, I was all, "Girl, you got this! You're a FIGHTER! You can...OWWWW. WHAT WAS THAT SNAP IN MY KNEE?!?!" Oh well. Just keep lopping along." and (2) I WAS FUCKING DUMB. 

Since then, I'm overly cautious about doing that again. SOooooooo that fighter mentality has left the building. In order for me to do all these races this year, it needs to come back from somewhere. This song helps. SERIOUSLY. (Though the video is fucking weird.)



I'm working on baby steps toward that place and something I find helps me is thinking about "training" versus "working out." If I'm training, I'm working toward a goal. There's some specific thing I'm pushing myself toward. If I'm just working out for health in general, I'm liable to walk for 30 minutes while watching "Big Bang Theory" (hint: this happened on Thursday).

"Training" may have a bit of of a bad "I'm an overachiever" vibe to it, but I like to think of myself as a badass, so maybe that's why I like it. I'm working on being confident without being cocky. I'm getting back to that place where I really like The Sweat. And The Post-Workout Soak in Epsom Salts. Or The Post-Workout Extra-Hot Shower. Eventually, I'll get back to where I'm geeked about running 6-8 miles and don't mind my half-naked body jiggling in public as I fling sweat down my salt-caked arms and off my soggy fingertips. (Yeah, that was me last August as I trained for the Half in September.)

Now, I have a half in June. Which means in February that I should be where I was in May last year. So, I have a ways to go.

Until then, here are some things that, although some are terrible in the moment, they have long-lasting positive changes on my body. They are things for which I'm strangely grateful. They are making things (my body) stronger, and for that I am proud and happy. If I can stick to focusing on the strength and knowing that there will be minor setbacks, I'll be good.

Also, if I can just remember to do this whole "daily gratitude" thing more frequently than once every three weeks....again. BABY STEPS.

25. Hips of Death
26. Those Fucking Cone Dips
27. The ability to change
28. The ability to get stronger
29. Daft Punk's early work
30. Earbuds that don't fall out
31. A boyfriend who let me sleep in today while he unloaded the dishes and did work around the house...fairly silently
32. Back-up drives


Also, any songs that make you stronger, feel free to share!