Don't do it: a test of willpower.

It's the first major holiday since He and I broke up. I'm holding up, but the images of families all around me makes me sad. I wanted to sit across from Him and tell Him how thankful I am that He's my best friend and partner, but instead I'm wine drunk on shitty $4/bottle wine at my sister's sleeping in a guest room alone. I should be snuggled up next to Him, expressing my gratitude for our togetherness and partnership.

Again, most days I somehow find solace in knowing that I can't make someone want what they don't want and that this is best for me. But on days when togetherness is emphasized, no matter how much family, parental, sibling, or nephew love I feel, it's not up to snuff. 

So I'll resist the urge to drunk text to make sure he didn't spend the holiday alone. I'll resist the urge to make sure he's okay. It's all I've known or cared about for many years now. 

God it's just so hard to break a heart full of habits.